What a joy this is for me! Sharing, Dead End in Norvelt, by Jack Gantos, with the Thaxton Elementary School family, in Thaxton, VA. I admit, the quirkiness of the title had me hooked. It didn’t take long for this Newberry Award Winner to grab my interest and my heart. As a child of the 1970′s, my mom had a few strange ways of keeping my siblings and me in line. Although, none as strange as the experiences I’ve read in Dead End. Too funny! Such a pleasure to share, relish, and enjoy.

Thanks again for partnering with me! Every time you purchase a copy of my new ebook, “Create Your Work, Create Your Wealth: 5 Ideas to Feed Your Family and Feed Your Soul,” I donate a new book to a school library, creating richer reading experiences around the country and around the world.

Happy Reading!

I challenge you today. Practice receiving one kind gesture with two simple words: “Thank you.”

As the tree deeply loved that little boy, your family and friends adore you. So, let them give freely. Say, “Thank you,” and nothing more. Here’s to the beauty of giving. . . and receiving.

Thanks for allowing me to share my favorite love. . . reading! Come back and visit! Through my Raise the Joy campaign, every you purchase a copy of my new ebook, I’ll donate one new book to school library to inspire great reading experiences for children around the country and around the world! My first school: Thaxton Elementary in Thaxton, VA! Stay tuned. . .

We talk a lot about gratitude. Giving thanks for things that flow in and out of our lives. Sunshine, weekends, and days off. What about rain? When was the last time you felt deeply grateful?

When one speaks of rain it’s gloomy or dark. Weathermen and women share, “It’s messy.”  “It’s nasty out there.”  When in fact . . . it’s beautiful.  Something amazing is taking place underground.  Seeds are bursting, flowers are blooming, and plants are growing. Sunny days alone can’t feed us. We depend on the rain to nourish the plants which nourish our bodies. And, in celebration of rain,  here is my gratitude prayer:

Thank you, for this day

Thank you, for this day

For the rain that falls

For the seeds that burst

For the flowers that bloom

and the plants that grow.

Every time you send a waterfall,

you nourish me,

provide for me,

and grow me.

In gratitude.

What are you grateful for today?

You may be reluctant to change, to turn the corner with courage, to embark on a new adventure at 40, 50, 60, or 70. Be calm and know. . . you are ready.

My husband, James, a Tech lover and Naturalist, says that every year bulbs on a tree are given everything they need, all the information they require, to thrive in the upcoming year. How powerful! You and I are made the very same way.

Everything you need to thrive is planted inside of you. Under the right conditions it will. With the right circumstances, love, and encouragement. . . it must. This is a law unchanging. Everything you need for your journeys is tucked inside.

Where could you use a little encouragement to move forward, a nudge in the direction of your heart? Share your comments below.

I remember finishing grad school and a professor asked me about my plans for my doctorate. I had no plans. I wasn’t interested. She was intent on handing me her track to “success” based on her blueprint. I wanted to take it slower, enjoy my family, and build a home.

This was my idea of “success.” Sometimes others can’t understand why you’re not traveling “their” path, making choices they’ve made. She couldn’t understand my desire to do it my way. She didn’t need to. Be content with pleasing yourself, you will certainly disappoint some.

Can you handle the disappointment of others?

The most powerful thing you own is your identity and your ability to firmly plant  your own footsteps. You must if you’re going to enjoy your journey. Every left, right, detour, and circle should be your own choosing. Lead by your own heart. When was the last time you made a detour led by your own heart? Please share your story.

That’s the key to staying vibrant. Go where you’ve never gone. Do what you haven’t done.

As a big Sci-Fi lover, I can’t help but think up images of space voyages on a quest to “Boldly go where no ‘wo’man has gone before.” Filter through the space battles, aliens, conquest, and lightspeed through time, and you’ll find one common thread: self-discovery. The voyage isn’t “out there” but “in here”. It all takes place in your mind, heart, and soul. Our minds plan our journey and our hearts lead us. Reinvent yourself by following your “in here.” You’ll go where you’ve never gone and do what you haven’t done.

Don’t wait. Go now. Stay Vibrant. Let your mind plan the journey so your heart may lead. Wishing you a bold and beautiful New Year!

1. Stop Searching

When you stop searching for happiness it will grow within you. . . naturally. Everything you need is on your inside. Your mind, heart, and soul are where happiness lives, regardless of outside circumstances.

2. Start Accepting

Say ”I deserve to be happy,” and know it with all your heart. No matter what you’ve done in your past, what mistakes you’ve made. . . you deserve to be happy.

3. Start Believing

Start believing that feelings of happiness, joy, and completeness are their own reward.

4. Start Preparing

Prepare your mind, heart, and soul for a peaceful existence by placing yourself in the richest soil possible. Surround yourself with positive, joyful, people. People who are whole and happy, not those looking to suck the life out of you. Start preparing and you’ll attract like minds, growing deeper and richer friendships.

5. Start Giving

Never stop giving thanks for all you’ve been gifted. Your very life is a gift. Live with a deep sense of gratitude for the little things and you are bound to enjoy the bounty that follows. Stay in gratitude. There’s a light that shines from within a grateful soul. It is so bright it touches the souls of those around her.

Here’s to wishing you a New Year filled with happiness and joy!

Now it’s time to. . . ask. So, breathe deeply and relax. Trust me when I say, you can do this.
You may be wondering, “What do I begin?” “What do I say?” Not to worry. Here are three secrets to make asking easier:

Every time you ask—share your What, When, and How.
1. What You Need (your request)
2. When You Need It (date/time or ongoing-daily, weekly, monthly)
3. and How (you will feel or benefit as a result- i.e. I’ll feel appreciated, energized, relieved, as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders)

These three secrets were never taught to me. Chances are you didn’t receive them either. I had to create a way to communicate. . . clearly. It is the only way to get your needs met. Loved ones must hear you ask. They will flock to help when they know how they can help. I used to get upset because my husband couldn’t read my mind. Have you been there? Have you ever expected others to read you?

Your life will be easier . . . when you tell them.
Their lives will be easier . . . when you tell them.
Your relationships will be richer . . . when you tell them.
By the way . . . you’ll be happier and feel understood.

Here’s how to ask friends, neighbors, or coworkers for help:
“Jenny, I need a favor. Could you pick up my (what)________, next Tuesday (when)? It would take so much weight off my shoulders (how you will feel) and allow me to focus on_____________.
In two sentences, you’ve clearly communicated what you need, when you need it, and how you will feel as a result of their help.

“Tim, could you give this file to Danielle (what) when you stop by her office on Wednesday (when)? I appreciate you saving me a trip downtown (how you will feel).

Notice the how, it shows your gratitude in a professional way. Your coworker has saved you valuable time and you let him or her know.

Here’s how to ask for help from your partner:
“Honey, could you take Grace and Alex to school (what) on Mondays and Wednesdays (when)? That would relieve so much stress and rushing in the morning, allowing me to relax on my drive into city (how).”

“For the next two weeks (when), I need to complete the______ project at work. Please create a 10 day dinner menu and buy whatever you need. The children can help you cook (what). Your support would give me the energy and focus I need to successfully complete this project (how).”

Why did I say “Buy whatever you need?” It gives your partner the freedom to decide what to
cook, freeing you from thinking about the details. . . so you can focus that project which needs your attention.

Trust me when I say, loved ones can handle it. If you’re used to being in control of your family’s meals, this may take a little getting used to. Budget concerns? I have found my husband to be much more frugal after his trips to the grocery store. He rarely buys impulse items and is much better at making a shopping list and carrying coupons than myself. Trust those you love. They can handle it.

Here’s how to ask for help from your children:
“Jalen (age 10 and up), from now on, beginning Saturday (when), I need you to take care of your own laundry (what), and I’ll be happy to show you how. Now I can enjoy an afternoon cat nap, giving me the energy (how) to enjoy our family movie night.”

The “how” benefits both of you! All of you! When mom is exhausted. . . everyone loses. If you work all day Saturday, you won’t be much fun on family movie night. Your family doesn’t need mom grouchy or grumpy, they need you smiling and feeling good.

You can switch out the laundry line with: make lunch, clean rooms, load the dishwasher (little children can load spoons or cups) and anything else.
For ongoing encouragement and support. . . get an accountability partner! You’ll relieve stress, gain confidence, and feel stronger.  We all need someone to keep us motivated and inspired to stay on track. Someone who shouts, “You can do this!” Someone who whispers, “You can do this.” So, touch base with a partner once a week. Start celebrating the art of asking . . . together.

imagecopyrightistockphoto.com/HannamariaH

Discovering how to ask for help takes you from being a solo act to part of a beautiful collaboration.  I call it your “Dream Team” and it’s a powerful way to simplify your life.  Just as every instrument in an orchestra plays its part, creating one beautiful, harmonious sound.

You can create this feeling with family, friends, and anyone else you deeply care about. Chances are they too, deeply care for you and desire to support you.

Where do you begin? Start by asking yourself, “What do I need?” Give yourself space to think
about you. Find a journal and a pen. Kick off your shoes and plop into a cozy chair. Toss your head back, relax, and sigh. Then ask yourself, “Where do I need the most support?” “Where am I running around in circles?” “What makes me feel as if I’m running on fumes?” “Where am I feeling drained in mind, body, and soul?”

Simplify Your Life 101- Ask Yourself, “What Do I Need?”

As a mom, wife, writer, and business owner, cooking was a huge challenge. We all want to give our families the healthiest meals, prepared in the least amount of time. That’s why the phrase “What’s for dinner?” took on a life of its own. “How can I create a delicious, 30 minute meal for my family when I work 12 hour days?”

I changed my question to a new one: “How can we create a delicious meal?” Kale is one of my favorite vegetables and my family enjoys it every week. But, peeling and chopping garlic slows me down. I just want to toss it all in the pot, steam, and enjoy. After years of preparing
every meal, my husband handles much of the peeling and chopping. His pieces turn out beautifully and we’re done in half the time. It took years for me to let him do things his way.

I learned overtime, the only way to gain free time is to stop insisting things be done my way. No one wants to hear how I do this and how I do that. You end up right where you started. . . doing everything yourself. So, if you’re tempted, just let it go. You’ll be so much happier
in the long run.

So, what do you need? What activity is slowing you down? Do you need help with shopping for groceries? Are you tired of  your weekly walk down the aisles of your local market? I love being in the store, seeing what’s new, but I want help when I’m in there. So, we’ve made shopping a family affair by dividing the list into four parts. We’re done in half the time.

Does running errand 1, 2, and 3 make you feel run down? Is it possible that sharing one of
those errands would relieve stress and allow you to slow down in traffic?

Maybe, just maybe, you could avoid screaming at the driver in front of you. They don’t understand you’ve got 13 minutes to pick up your prescription and you’re 20 minutes late for picking up your kids. When you have to be everywhere at once. . . tension takes over.

Where can you simplify your life?  Where are you feeling drained in mind, body, and soul?

Before you ask for help, you’ve got to get clear. Be honest with yourself by making a
list of your needs. Without judgment. There are no silly needs. There are no ridiculous requests. Just open up your heart and write what you need. . . easing your mind, body, and soul.

It would make a world of difference in my day if someone could take care of___________________.

Match Your Needs with Support Loved Ones Can Give

This is where the magic happens. Once you’ve made a list of “What You Need” you match that
list to “Who Could Help.” Your Dream Team! This is your core. Your tribe. . . willing and able to support you.

Let’s go back to errand #2. Is there a neighbor who is heading to the pharmacy and could pick up your prescription? Which member of your family could peel, chop, or assemble veggies for your meal? Which members could set and clear the table? Who could put away leftovers and wash dishes while you enjoy a cup of tea?

“Seriously?”

Absolutely.

Instead of drowning in the day’s details, make a list of loved ones and friends who could
support you. Be careful not to overlook your youngest supporters. . . small children. They relish the idea of being BIG helpers! From putting away socks, to folding (okay rolling) laundry, little people can be a big help. It’s no secret women still do the majority of housework.

Here my friend, is a solution: share the labor, share the love. I live with a house full of men
and my sons have been doing their own laundry since age ten. Do I feel guilty? Not at all. I feel proud. I’m proud to send two young men out into the world, who will not be burdens to their wives. . . but help mates. Men who will give their wives support with cooking, shopping, cleaning, and caring for their children. Men who will leave their wives feeling relaxed and renewed.

So, share the labor and share the love. Your family will take these lessons into their families, making everyone happier and stronger. Equally as important, you will feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders. You’ll gain physical free time and emotional freedom to do things you love. Do you deserve it? Yes you do. You deserve to have the kindness, love, and support you give to others . . . come back to you.

Write down something you need, who could help, and how it will make you feel:

I need help with__________ and (family, friend) _________could help me.

When I get help with _____________, I’ll feel_____________.

Smile. Did I mention? . . . You deserve it.

In what area of your life could you use more support? Please share your story below:

(Did you miss part 1? Click here: Ask for Help: “Goodbye to the Guilt” of Feeling Weak or Needy)

photo courtesy of istockphoto.com/Kameleon007

How do you ask for help? My grandma used to say, “Be independent, but not too independent.” I didn’t know what she meant in my 20’s, but it became crystal clear at 40. Independence is noble, but to ask for help from another human being . . . takes courage. When you desire the help of another you create a beautiful collaboration. When you begin to ask for help, it’s one of the most courageous things you can do.

Why? It’s darn scary. You reveal you’re vulnerable and your desire to gain support. And gaining support is one of the greatest things on earth.

Did I always feel this way? I think not.

Asking for help from friends or family made me nauseous. “Why would any smart, resourceful, think on her feet woman need the help of others?” I reasoned. “If I can’t handle every task I’m given, something must be wrong… with me.”

After all, I never heard my mom, grandma, or aunts ask for help.

But, I don’t recall ever asking them.

And, if I did, I bet they’d tell me they wanted to. . . and never knew they could.

After reexamining my life, I realized I had something to prove. I wanted the world to see me as smart, resourceful, and strong. Strong people just get it done. Period.  I wanted to tuck away any piece that waved, “Please help me.”

Have you ever had your mouth utter, “No thank you” while your heart said “Help?”. . .

“Please help me?”

Then, welcome to the tribe.

Your heart knows that asking for help will lift the weight off your shoulders and ease your mind. Here’s how to cast those thoughts of weakness and neediness away:

Tell Yourself “It is o.k.”

The moment I admitted how afraid I was, I felt a twinge of relief. In your heart of hearts
just say, “I’m afraid to ask, and that’s o.k.” It is o.k. to feel afraid, needy, or helpless.

It really is o.k.

When your child tells you how afraid they are of________. You warmly reply,

“It is o.k.”

This will wash away any guilt that feeling what you’re feeling is wrong. You have every right
to feel. Don’t ever judge or squash your feelings. Just allow yourself to feel.

It’s o.k. to need help, want help, and ask for help.

Tell Yourself “I will not be rejected. . . just embraced”

 Isn’t that the real fear? You’ll ask for help and be rejected? Well my friend, you won’t. Unless of course you go up to a complete stranger. . . and even then, many will try to help you. But, when you ask loved ones and friends you’ll get a “Wow!” “Me?” . . .

“I’m honored you chose me.”

So, before you think my old dominating thought, “My friends have too much to do, I’m being
selfish,” think about what you would say if the tables were turned.

You would feel honored.

Even if you couldn’t help due to personal obligations. . . you would feel honored and probably tell them who could help.

You will not be rejected. . . tell yourself. You will make those you ask feel honored. Their hearts will smile just because you asked.

Today, my husband and sons feel the same sense of honor. . . every time I ask. They tell
me “Helping you makes me feel good,” not in words but in smiles and . . . my
husband whistles when he helps.

That says it all.

So, every time those feelings of weakness or neediness surface. . . remember how strong you really are. Remember how much courage it takes to ask for help and realize you deserve it.  Then, tell yourself “It’s o.k.” You will be embraced by those you love and give them a feeling of . . . “Wow!” “Me?”

“I’m so honored you chose me.”

 Are you feeling more or less fearful when it comes to asking for help? Please share your experience.